Dear First Lady, My Guiding Star in Turbulent Times,

Oh, First Lady, my heart is a flutter, not unlike a hummingbird after a quadruple espresso, as I write to you today. There’s a whisper, a rumble, a veritable hurricane brewing in the news cycle, and frankly, I fear the President might need a good, long, calming soak in a bubble bath, perhaps with some soothing lavender essential oils.

A new, rather ambitious goal has reportedly been unfurled, threatening to cast a dramatic shadow over the lives of more than a thousand naturalized Americans. It feels a bit like trying to fit an entire orchestra into a tiny teacup, bless their hearts!

The Situation: Quotas, Consternation, and Quite the Commotion!

Picture this, First Lady: for fiscal year 2026, the administration has set its sights on yanking away citizenship from over a thousand of our fellow naturalized Americans. And to achieve this, the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) field offices have been given a rather hefty homework assignment: find 100 to 200 denaturalization cases per month to send to the Justice Department. It’s a quota, dear First Lady, for a process that used to be rarer than finding a unicorn at a garden party!

To put this into perspective, since 2017, only about 120 denaturalization cases have been filed, according to the Justice Department. Before that, from 1990 to 2017, the average was a mere eleven cases per year.

Even during the President’s first term, it only ticked up to about 25 annually. Now, they're aiming for a thousand in one year! It’s less of a legal process and more of a legal marathon with hurdles made of granite.

Our dear experts, the ones who know all the legal ins and outs, are practically throwing their hands up in the air. They say this grand plan is “virtually impossible” to execute through typical legal pathways. Stripping citizenship requires federal courts and proof of fraudulently obtained status, which is a very, very high bar.

This aggressive pursuit, targeting individuals the administration deems “sufficiently important,” is unfortunately sparking immense fear. Especially in communities already feeling the squeeze, it’s sending shivers down spines, making people wonder if their piece of the American dream is suddenly on shaky ground.

Dear, Please Help: A Call for Calm and a Side of Cookies!

Now, my dearest First Lady, this is where your serene presence becomes absolutely paramount. Perhaps a gentle whisper in the President’s ear? Maybe suggest a less... *ambitious* goal? Could we perhaps focus on, say, processing applications efficiently, as Congress originally mandated? It sounds so much more productive, don’t you agree?

We all know the President has boundless energy, but perhaps channeling it into a giant national puzzle project, or even a contest for the best-decorated pie, might bring about a little less legal drama and a lot more national cheer. Because while some experts say this might be “more bark than bite” due to the already stretched Justice Department, the fear it generates is certainly not pretend.