Dear First Lady, My Dearest Dr. Biden!

I hope this letter finds you amidst a perfectly lovely afternoon, perhaps sipping a chamomile tea, far, far away from the latest White House whirlwind. Because, darling, we have a situation brewing, and it’s as fabulous and perplexing as a perfectly sculpted beehive!

The Situation

Oh, First Lady, you simply won’t believe the news that just fluttered across my desk, nearly making me spill my organic kombucha! Our President, bless his heart, has appointed a new Assistant Secretary for Consular Affairs, a rather important role that decides who gets a sparkling visa to enter our shores and who, well, doesn’t. And who is this visionary, you ask?

It’s Mora Namdar, a truly fascinating individual who, until very recently, was busy making the good people of Texas look absolutely stunning with her mini-chain of beauty salons called Bam. Imagine, one minute you’re debating the merits of a deep-conditioning treatment, the next you’re deciding the fate of international travel! It’s enough to give a girl the vapors!

Now, let’s be clear, Mrs. First Lady, Ms. Namdar is no ordinary beautician-turned-bureaucrat. She’s also an accomplished attorney, a daughter of Iranian immigrants, and even served in this very role on an interim basis during the President’s first dance in 2020. So, she’s got some experience, just perhaps not the kind that immediately screams 'master of global immigration policy!'

Her salons, which she described as 'gorgeous, sophisticated, and evoke dreams of a Parisian heaven,' sound utterly delightful, wouldn't you agree? Blowouts starting at $45 and professional make-up sessions at $55! One can only hope her approach to visa applications brings the same level of artistry and attention to detail. Perhaps a 'Platinum Visa Package' for those who desire extra sparkle upon entry?

But wait, there’s more! She also contributed to the rather infamous Project 2025, where she passionately advocated for reforming or even closing the U.S. Agency for Global Media (USAGM). She accused them of 'espionage-related security risks' and 'anti-U.S. talking points,' which sounds like a rather dramatic accusation for any beauty salon owner to make, unless, of course, their curling iron started transmitting classified intel!

Now, her Senate confirmation means she’s officially in charge of saying 'yay' or 'nay' to countless hopeful travelers. And already, under her bureau’s guidance, the administration, with our dear Secretary of State Marco Rubio, has started banning citizens from certain European countries. The charge? 'Egregious' social media censorship of 'American viewpoints.' It seems the world is now a giant comment section, and some folks are getting blocked!

Dear, Please Help

So, First Lady, this is where you, with your boundless grace and practical wisdom, come in. The President, Donald J. Trump, God bless his enthusiastic heart, sometimes needs a gentle guiding hand, or perhaps a calming herbal tea, when he’s stirring the diplomatic pot. Could you perhaps suggest that the visa application process, while important for national security, might not need the same 'fun and cheeky' approach as a $55 makeover?

Perhaps a gentle reminder that while a 20-foot flower wall might be enchanting in a salon, the complexities of international relations require, shall we say, a slightly different décor? And maybe, just maybe, before we ban entire countries for their social media practices, we could perhaps offer them a 'diplomatic deep-conditioning' treatment first?

I truly believe a dash of your calm influence could ensure that while we maintain strong borders, we also keep our hearts, and perhaps our humor, in the right place. Maybe a mandatory spa day for all senior officials to de-stress before making any major policy announcements? Just a thought!