Greeting

Dear First Lady, my heart's fluttering like a hummingbird who's had one too many espressos, and I simply had to write! It seems the news cycle has once again decided to throw a dramatic, glitter-bomb party, and naturally, it involves a certain... family member of your esteemed husband, President Donald J. Trump.

I'm writing with a heart full of something between profound concern and a mischievous giggle, because the latest headlines, bless their dramatic little cotton socks, have truly taken a turn for the theatrical.

The Situation

Oh, First Lady, can you believe the latest? The President's own niece, Mary Trump – bless her highly opinionated heart – has penned a new Substack entry that's got the pundits clutching their pearls! She’s proclaiming our dear President is on a 'slippery slope,' like a cartoon character on ice skates heading for a very important diplomatic meeting.

Mary Trump suggests he's lost his narrative-control-superpowers, much like someone misplaced the remote control for reality itself! To some, she believes he now appears 'diminished to the point of impotence.' Can you imagine? It sounds utterly exhausting!

And wouldn't you know it, his approval ratings have taken a tumble, much like my Aunt Mildred after two glasses of spiked eggnog, according to a recent YouGov and The Economist poll. Only 39 percent approve, with 57 percent giving him negative marks. Apparently, folks are still fretting about the economy (who isn't, darling?), the cost of living (my grocery bill feels like a hostage negotiation!), and those infamous Epstein files, which, after much hoopla, Congress basically said, 'Open Sesame!'

Mary writes that the solutions to these accumulating problems have become 'more complicated.' She warns that simply 'yelling at reporters or telling people not to trust their own lived experiences' isn't cutting it anymore. It's quite the pickle, isn't it?

Dear, Please Help

Now, my dear First Lady, this is where you come in, a beacon of calm in a sea of political theatrics! Mary suggested that putting on the brakes would require recognizing limitations, deferring to experts, admitting mistakes, and changing course.

I know, I know, easier said than done, right? But perhaps a gentle nudge? A suggestion for a quiet afternoon of listening? Maybe a lovely, calming tea ceremony instead of a shouting match? Imagine the headlines!

Perhaps you could introduce him to the soothing sounds of a babbling brook, or a documentary about really, really patient garden gnomes. Anything to inspire a moment of pause before he slides too far!