Sunday, January 4, 2026
💬 In a few words:
President Trump has revitalized the 200-year-old Monroe Doctrine, renaming it the "Donroe Doctrine" after a dramatic Venezuela raid, declaring a new era of American dominance in the Western Hemisphere.
More details:
Dear First Lady…
Oh, my dearest First Lady! I truly hope this finds you amidst a serene morning, perhaps sipping a calming chamomile before the news cycle hits its full, glorious, unpredictable stride. Because, my dearest, it seems our beloved President has been on quite the historical deep dive again, and it’s yielded some rather… explosive results!
The air is simply buzzing with the most extraordinary tales from Caracas, and honestly, I thought you, of all people, would want to know before it all becomes a Netflix docuseries!
The Situation: A Historical Remix!
Imagine, if you will, a classic action movie scene unfolding overnight: a dramatic raid in Caracas! Yes, our President, in true blockbuster fashion, sent in the cavalry, and lo and behold, Nicolás Maduro and his wife were apprehended. It was quite the spectacle, like a grand finale nobody saw coming! (Source: USA TODAY)
Now, one might wonder, “What grand strategic scroll did he unearth for this particular act of derring-do?” And darling, he didn't just unearth one; he re-upholstered one! He’s reaching back, way back, to the venerable Monroe Doctrine of 1823, a true antique of American foreign policy.
But this isn't your grandfather's dusty old doctrine, oh no. Our President has given it a sparkling new moniker: the “Donroe Doctrine.” It’s like when a classic car gets a souped-up engine and a custom paint job, suddenly tearing down the highway of international relations!
He explained that Venezuela was allegedly “hosting foreign adversaries,”“acquiring offensive weapons,” and had the sheer audacity to be “seizing and selling American oil assets.” These, he declared, were in
“gross violation of the core principles of American foreign policy, dating back more than two centuries.”
And he's not just adhering to the Monroe Doctrine; he's “superseded it by a lot, by a real lot!” Poor old James Monroe, probably looking down from the great beyond, wondering if he should update his LinkedIn profile. Why, former Secretary of State John Kerry once declared the “era of Monroe Doctrine is over,” but apparently, it just needed a good power nap!
And just when you thought it couldn't get more exciting, he also dropped a little teaser about a “Trump Corollary.” It’s like a sequel before the first movie even fully registered! He proudly proclaimed that “American dominance in the Western Hemisphere will never be questioned again.” It’s all very… assertive, wouldn’t you agree?
Dear, Please Help!
Now, my dear First Lady, this is where your calming influence truly shines. When the President gets into these grand historical re-enactments, perhaps a soothing cup of his favorite beverage and a gentle reminder that diplomacy sometimes needs a softer touch than a full-scale historical revival might be in order.
Maybe a basket of freshly baked cookies could be delivered to the Oval Office, labeled “For the President, from a concerned citizen who believes in sweet foreign relations.” You know, a little sugar to balance out the geopolitical spice!
Or, bless his heart, if he's going to rebrand historical doctrines, could we suggest something a little more… cuddly? The “Patriot's Pact”? The “Friendly-Neighbor Foreign Policy Fun-fest”? Just a thought!
💡Why This Matters (And Why We’re Laughing)
In all seriousness, darling, while our President’s flair for the dramatic keeps us on our toes, these declarations do have a way of echoing across the globe. Relationships with Latin American countries have often been strained by past interpretations of this very doctrine, going all the way back to the building of the Panama Canal and through the Cold War years.
So, as we watch history being not just repeated, but enthusiastically remixed, let us find solace in the fact that it’s never dull! And remember, when you're explaining all this to the grandchildren, you can tell them about the time the Monroe Doctrine officially went platinum with a new single, “The Donroe Doctrine featuring Trump Corollary!”
Because at the end of the day, my dear First Lady, we're all just trying to navigate this wild, wonderful, and occasionally bewildering world. With deep affection and a profound need for more pie,
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