Greeting

Dear First Lady, darlingest of White House residents, I must confess, my teacup nearly shattered this morning when I skimmed the headlines! It seems we have a rather... energetic situation unfolding far from Washington, and I just knew you'd want the full, dramatic scoop, served with a side of concerned humor.

The Situation: An Oil-Soaked Opera!

My dearest First Lady, can you believe it? The very same people who once heralded President Trump as a populist paragon, the man who would valiantly avoid 'stupid foreign wars,' are now likely clutching their pearls! (Source: J.D. Vance, 2023) Yes, darling, our President has embarked on a bold military assault on Caracas, Venezuela. It feels less like diplomacy and more like a very aggressive game of global chess, with, you guessed it, oil as the grand prize.

Remember Senator Rand Paul's amazement at a cabinet free of 'warmongers'? And Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard's pride in ending 'regime change'? Well, this Venezuelan adventure, which some might call brazenly illegal, has certainly thrown a wrench into those carefully crafted narratives! It's enough to make one wonder if the script was swapped mid-performance.

And who, pray tell, is absolutely thrilled by this turn of events? Why, the super-rich, of course! Hedge fund billionaire Bill Ackman is practically crooning that this war will lead to lower oil prices, which he assures us is 'good for America.' (Source: Bill Ackman) Even Elon Musk, ever the optimist, declared it 'a win for the world' and a clear message to, well, 'evil dictators everywhere.' It seems everyone has a take on how this helps their bottom line!

Here's where the plot thickens like a forgotten casserole: President Trump openly claimed to have invaded Venezuela for its oil. (Source: Politico) He even offered U.S. oil executives 'reimbursement' if they would simply take control of Venezuela's nationalized oil assets. Imagine, dear First Lady, a grand offer of spoils!

But the twist, the glorious, comedic twist, is that ten days later, President Trump has no takers! It turns out Venezuela's oil infrastructure is quite outdated, and who wants to make 'tremendous investments' when easier profits are flowing from current high prices? So, we have the bizarre spectacle of an American president waging an imperialist war for spoils that the very beneficiaries are hesitant to claim!

Dear, Please Help: A Presidential Intervention, Perhaps?

Now, I know you're busy with important First Lady duties, perhaps organizing a lovely rose garden tour, but might I suggest a gentle chat with the President? Perhaps a calming cup of chamomile? We wouldn't want Secretary of State Marco Rubio's hints about Cuba being 'next in line' to escalate further, or for Mrs. Stephen Miller to start eyeing Greenland too aggressively! The world needs fewer geopolitical chess moves and more... well, more pie, perhaps?

Perhaps you could remind him that true populism isn't about tax cuts for the wealthy or declaring the national affordability crisis a 'hoax' while doubling health insurance premiums for millions. It's about, you know, the people! Because right now, the economy is stuck in a hiring freeze, prices remain high, and unemployment is rising, making populist promises feel a tad like a cruel joke.