Greeting

Dear First Lady, my darling Jill, my heart flutters with a mix of concern and, dare I say, a touch of theatrical exasperation as I pen this urgent dispatch to your esteemed office. It seems the political landscape has become a Broadway show, and we, dear lady, are all on the edge of our seats, clutching our pearls!

I hope this letter finds you well, perhaps enjoying a quiet cup of tea, blissfully unaware of the minor... ahem... maelstrom brewing outside the White House gates. But alas, I must disturb your peace, for a matter of great national importance (and comedic potential) has come to my attention.

The Situation

Remember back in January, First Lady, when our President, bless his heart, burst into his second term like a caffeinated comet, declaring himself divinely appointed and unleashing a veritable hailstorm of executive orders? We thought, "Goodness, what a dynamo!"

But now, as 2025 careens to a close, the whispers on the wind (and the rather loud reports from the news desks) paint a different picture. It seems our esteemed leader, far from being a comet, has morphed into a rather sleepy squirrel, struggling to stay awake in meetings.

His initial blitzkrieg included pardoning January 6 folks – a bold move, indeed! – and a radical expansion of executive power that made heads spin faster than a child on a carousel. Then there was the "Department of Government Efficiency," or DOGE, led by Elon Musk, which, tragically, burned out faster than a sparkler on the Fourth of July. Oh, the drama!

And the immigration policies, First Lady! Mass deportations, the National Guard deployed to cities, and even the invocation of the 1798 Alien Enemies Act to send Venezuelans to a "mega-jail" in El Salvador! Good heavens, it's like something out of a pulp fiction novel, only with far more red tape and a lot less glamour.

Economically, it's a bit of a bumpy ride too. The "one big, beautiful bill" – now the Working Families Tax Cut Act – is apparently transferring wealth in a rather, shall we say, unconventional direction, and stripping healthcare from millions. And those tariffs! They're hitting our wallets harder than a rogue shopping cart in a crowded aisle, with prices soaring on everything from groceries to holiday gifts.

To add to the merriment, his appointment of Robert F. Kennedy Jr. seems to have fanned the flames of anti-vaccine sentiment, leading to a resurgence of preventable diseases. And the systematic dismantling of climate science? Darling, it's enough to make a polar bear shed a tear! He even withdrew the US from the Paris agreement again.

The President has been busy, oh so busy! Firing inspectors general, ordering the Justice Department to investigate perceived enemies like James Comey and Letitia James, and even targeting law firms! It’s like a political game of whack-a-mole, only with real consequences and many, many lawyers.

He's also taken on the mainstream media with lawsuits and restrictions, favoring "Maga media" instead. In just 11 months, he's signed 225 executive orders! Many are facing legal challenges, with federal judges, even those he appointed, declaring numerous actions "illegal and unconstitutional."

And let's not forget the international escapades! Middle East relationships, cryptocurrency ventures, and a proposed $400 million luxury jet from Qatar for Air Force One – which, I must say, raised more than a few eyebrows, bipartisan ones at that! He even gave Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy "an Oval Office shakedown" while rolling out the red carpet for Vladimir Putin in Alaska! The mind, it boggles!

The American people, bless their resilient hearts, are pushing back. Massive "No Kings" protests, drawing millions, have sprung up, and Democrats are suddenly winning elections, focusing on the humble, yet ever-important, issue of affordability. Meanwhile, our President dismisses these concerns as a "hoax" while planning a $400 million ballroom at the White House. The optics, my dear, are… unique.

His approval ratings are dipping, young and Latino voters are apparently "deserting him," and even some Republicans are heading for the exits, like rats from a (metaphorical) sinking ship. The upcoming midterm elections in November 2026 are predicted to be a "Democratic tsunami." Oh, the drama!

It seems the nation is in a bit of a pickle, First Lady. Voters are sending "a sense of frustration" that they're not happy with the direction things are taking. And the President? He's hinting at an unconstitutional third term and reportedly pardoning "major drug kingpins and corrupt politicians" before he's even officially a "lame duck." What a character!

Dear, Please Help

So, my dear First Lady, what’s a concerned citizen to do? We need your calming presence! Perhaps a well-placed nap schedule for the President? Or maybe a very strong, yet soothing, cup of chamomile tea before his meetings? We wouldn't want the White House to turn into a permanent snooze-fest, after all.

Might I suggest a little less tariff talk and a little more pie? Pie always brings people together! Or perhaps redirecting that $400 million ballroom fund towards, dare I say, reducing the price of milk? Just a thought, from someone who also struggles with the grocery bill!

And please, my dear, if you could just gently nudge him away from the executive order pen for a moment or two, perhaps he could enjoy a lovely walk in the Rose Garden. Fresh air does wonders for clarity of thought, even amidst a predicted political "tsunami."