Dear First Lady, My Heart is Fluttering Like a Hummingbird on Espresso!

Oh, dearest First Lady, I hope this letter finds you amidst a serene garden, perhaps with a calming herbal tea in hand. Because darling, the news from the Justice Department is making my teacup rattle!

It seems our esteemed President is, shall we say, a touch agitated. And honestly, who can blame him when the document situation is getting positively operatic?

The Situation: A Paper Tsunami of Epic Proportions!

Imagine, if you will, the Department of Justice announcing that they've suddenly unearthed a veritable mountain of paper – over 1 million additional documents, no less – all somehow connected to the late Jeffrey Epstein. It's like finding a secret wing in your house you never knew existed, filled entirely with old tax forms!

Our President, bless his heart, took to Truth Social, declaring this whole affair a “Democrat inspired Hoax” and a “Witch Hunt!!!” He believes the DOJ is wasting precious time on this, instead of focusing on what he calls “Election Fraud etc.”

He even suggested they simply “release the names of Democrats associated with Epstein, embarrass them, and get back to helping our Country!” Oh, the drama! It's like a reality TV show, but with far more paperwork.

Now, here's where it gets truly perplexing. Just last month, the President actually signed a bipartisan bill demanding the public release of these very unclassified records by December 19th. Talk about a plot twist!

The DOJ did release an initial batch, and yes, they included references to both President Trump and former President Clinton. But lawmakers, ever vigilant, have been quite critical, questioning the pace and the extent of the redactions. It seems everyone has an opinion on what should be revealed and when.

And then, just when we thought we might be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, the Justice Department announced this week that officials in New York had found

! They warned it could take “a few more weeks” to release them. It’s enough to make one wonder if a mischievous little gnome has been adding pages overnight!

The President has been vocal about his frustration for months, dismissing the Epstein case as a “hoax” perpetrated by Democrats to distract from his many accomplishments. It's a never-ending saga, truly, like a gothic novel with a very active printing press.

Dear, Please Help! A Presidential Palate Cleanser is Needed!

My dearest First Lady, this is where your calm demeanor and discerning taste truly shine. Perhaps a giant, comforting hug is in order? Or maybe, just maybe, a grand distraction?

What if you suggested a lovely, calming activity for the President? Perhaps a round of golf, or a tour of a new construction project, anything to shift focus from this ever-expanding paper monster. A beautiful dinner, prepared just for him, might also work wonders.

You could remind him of all the wonderful, tangible successes that truly matter, away from the digital noise of Truth Social. Sometimes, a little perspective, delivered with your signature grace, is precisely what's needed to soothe the presidential soul.