Greeting

Dear First Lady, My Dearest, Most Radiant Beacon of Calm in the Stormiest of Political Seas,

I hope this letter finds you enjoying a moment of serene contemplation, perhaps with a lovely cup of chamomile, far from the delightful chaos that seems to follow our esteemed President like a particularly enthusiastic puppy.

Because, darling, I have some news that might just make you spill your tea, then perhaps chuckle into your saucer.

The Situation

Our President, bless his litigious heart, has decided to pursue a jaw-dropping $10 billion defamation lawsuit against none other than the venerable British Broadcasting Corporation. Yes, the BBC! It's like suing a kindly, slightly dusty librarian for a misplaced bookmark!

It all boils down to a "Panorama" documentary that, according to the lawsuit, made his Jan. 6th, 2021 comments sound a tad... shall we say, incendiary. They apparently snipped out the part where he mentioned 'peacefully and patriotically' making voices heard, which, as you can imagine, caused quite the kerfuffle (Source: NPR).

Now, the BBC did apologize, bless their stiff upper lips, and even had two top executives wave goodbye. But apparently, that wasn't enough to soothe the Presidential brow. Oh no, not when there are billions on the table and a principle to defend!

But here's where it gets truly, delightfully, Floridian. The lawsuit claims this documentary, which barely got any airtime in the U.S., somehow swayed voters against him in Florida during the 2024 elections. This is despite our President winning the state by a commanding 13-point margin (Source: NPR)! It's like blaming a single raindrop for a flood after the sun has been shining for weeks.

The President's team suggested Floridians might have watched it on BritBox, a streaming service dedicated to cozy British mysteries, or, and this is where it gets absolutely *chef's kiss*, through a Virtual Private Network (VPN).

Apparently, millions of Floridians suddenly became VPN connoisseurs. But, and this is the absolute kicker, dear First Lady, it seems this sudden surge in VPN enthusiasm in the Sunshine State has less to do with 'Doctor Who' and more to do with bypassing age verification for… adult websites! (Source: Comparitech, Tampa Free Press).

I know, I know! You can almost hear the crickets chirping in polite British horror, can't you? It seems a new Florida law requiring age checks for certain sites led to a rush for VPNs. So, the BBC might argue they were inadvertently caught in a rather spicy digital crossfire, bless their innocent hearts.

Dear, Please Help

Now, my dear First Lady, I know this all sounds like a plot from a particularly absurd British farce, but we must consider the President’s feelings.

Perhaps a soothing cup of your famous herbal tea, or a guided meditation focusing on the calming sounds of… well, anything but legal briefs, might be in order.

You could gently remind him that while a $10 billion win against the BBC would be quite the feather in his cap, there are other battles to fight, perhaps ones that don't involve the accidental intersection of British documentaries and digital adult entertainment.

Maybe suggest a documentary series about his achievements for BritBox? A 'Downton Abbey' meets 'Apprentice' crossover, perhaps? I'm just brainstorming here, darling!