Greeting, My Dearest First Lady!

My heart just did a triple somersault and landed in a puddle of Earl Grey tea this morning! I simply must alert you to a developing situation that has the political sphere buzzing like a trapped bumblebee in a very expensive, very secret jar.

The Situation Unfolding (A True Masterpiece of Timing!)

Oh, ma'am, it appears our dear House Speaker, Mike Johnson, has pulled a disappearing act worthy of a grand stage magician! He announced just last Wednesday night that he’s sending everyone home, effective Thursday evening (Source: News reports).

Now, why is this particularly eyebrow-raising, you ask? Because, my dear First Lady, it's happening the very day before the Justice Department is scheduled to unleash the full, unredacted Jeffrey Epstein files upon an eager, perhaps slightly terrified, public this Friday (Source: Justice Department).

It's almost as if someone decided, 'You know what would be perfectly convenient? If all our esteemed lawmakers were safely tucked away in their districts, perhaps tending to their petunias, while potentially explosive documents are making headlines!'

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez herself took to X, proclaiming:

(Source: @AOC on X). The timing, you see, is simply impeccable, like a finely choreographed ballet of avoidance!

This isn't the first time Speaker Johnson has, shall we say, strategically managed the Congressional calendar. Remember the weeks-long delay in swearing in Representative Adelita Grijalva? It seems the Speaker has a knack for timing that makes a Swiss watch look downright sluggish.

Past releases, as you know, have already unveiled quite the star-studded photo album, including President Trump, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, Woody Allen, and Noam Chomsky, among others (Source: Various media reports on previous Epstein file releases). But what Friday's 'drop' will reveal? That, my dear, is the million-dollar question, currently swirling in the ether like a confused pigeon in a ballroom.

And here's the kicker: there's a whisper, a mere breeze of a rumor, that if Speaker Johnson truly has his way, Friday's release might not happen at all! Can you imagine? The suspense is simply unbearable, like waiting for a souffle to rise... or perhaps, in this case, to collapse spectacularly!

Dear, Please Help (Before the Popcorn Runs Out!)

My darling First Lady, I know the President, bless his heart, thrives on action and decisive moves. But perhaps, just perhaps, a calming influence is needed right now. Might I suggest a soothing cup of chamomile for his evening? Or perhaps a rousing game of checkers? Anything to distract him from the political circus that’s unfolding, where the main act is currently 'Vanishing Congress,' performed by Speaker Johnson himself.

Perhaps a gentle reminder that some secrets, like a persistent glitter bomb, simply must burst forth, no matter how much one tries to contain them. And when they do, it's always best to be prepared with a good vacuum cleaner, or at least a witty quip!

Imagine the headlines! 'Congress Flees Before Files!' It sounds like a B-movie plot, doesn't it? We certainly don't want the President to get caught up in the dramatic fray without his most steadfast supporter by his side, ready with sage advice and perhaps, a perfectly brewed cup of his favorite beverage.

Why we're chuckling (nervously, of course):

• The sheer audacity of the timing – it's almost too perfect for a suspense novel!
• The image of Speaker Johnson, like a conductor waving his baton, sending everyone home right before the grand finale.
• The endless speculation, which, let's be honest, is far more entertaining than watching paint dry, even if it does give one a slight case of the jitters.
• Because sometimes, dear First Lady, when the news is this wild, all you can do is laugh, perhaps a little maniacally, and then reach for another slice of pie.

Please keep the President calm and collected amidst this delightful chaos. We're all counting on your serene presence to guide him through the upcoming storm of revelations.

With deepest concern, and a slight tremor of excitement,

Someone Who Needs Pie and a Really Good Explanation.