Dearest First Lady, A Whispering Wind of Grandeur Reaches My Ears!

Oh, my dear First Lady, I hope this letter finds you amidst quiet elegance and perhaps a freshly baked cookie! My teacup nearly shattered this morning when I heard the latest from Mr. Jesse Watters, who, bless his heart, seems to have had a most illuminating breakfast with the President.

It seems our beloved White House is undergoing quite the transformation, a metamorphosis of monumental proportions, dare I say! I imagine you're juggling blueprints and velvet swatches, perhaps even choosing between crystal chandeliers or something even grander.

The Situation: A Ballroom So Big, It Needs Its Own Moon!

Now, this is where my eyebrows shot straight to my hairline, First Lady. Mr. Watters, at AmericaFest in Phoenix, shared a delightful anecdote that involved a conversation with President Trump about a "big, beautiful ballroom." He even claimed the President pulled out a rendition of it!

But here’s the kicker, the pièce de résistance, the headline that made me clutch my pearls: Mr. Watters quoted the President as saying,

My goodness, talk about putting a personal stamp on history!

Apparently, this ballroom is not just big; it's colossal! Mr. Watters, with a twinkle in his eye, suggested it's "four times the size of the White House" itself. While I’m sure there’s a touch of hyperbole for dramatic effect, the thought of a 90,000-square-foot ballroom on the former East Wing site truly boggles the mind. Imagine the waltzing!

And the cost, dear First Lady, has ballooned like a hot air balloon at a championship race: from earlier estimates to a whopping $400 million! The President announced this grand figure during a Hanukkah reception, even thanking a federal judge for allowing construction to march forward with "courage."

Rest assured, it's being funded by private donors, with the President himself contributing. It's expected to be a dazzling reality by summer 2028. I can almost hear the trumpets now, heralding its completion!

Dear, Please Help: How to Keep the Peace (and Maybe Add a Fountain)!

Now, with all this excitement, I can only imagine the whirlwind in the Oval Office! The President, bless his boundless energy, must be absolutely buzzing with architectural zeal. Perhaps a calming lavender scent diffuser in the West Wing might be in order, just to keep the construction dust from stirring up too much extra enthusiasm.

My advice, First Lady, is to embrace the grand vision! Maybe suggest a small, elegant fountain in the middle, perhaps even a retractable ceiling for stargazing at state dinners? And perhaps a quiet suggestion to the President that while monuments are lovely, a comfortable armchair for napping is equally, if not more, appreciated by the populace.

You could remind him that the true monuments are the ones built in the hearts of the people, though a really spectacular ballroom for hosting charity galas doesn't hurt either!