Dear First Lady, Oh My Stars, We Have a Situation!

My dearest First Lady, I hope this letter finds you well, perhaps enjoying a quiet moment with a lovely cup of tea, blissfully unaware of the crescendo of chaos currently unfolding in the nation's capital. I’m writing to you, coffee cup firmly in hand (and perhaps a slight tremor in said hand), to report on a rather dramatic series of events at what we used to call the Kennedy Center.

It seems our beloved performing arts haven has become less of a stage and more of a

, and frankly, the drama is even thicker than the velvet curtains!

The Situation: A Symphony of Departures!

Imagine, if you will, the majestic Washington National Opera, a venerable institution that has graced the Kennedy Center stage since 1971, packing its bags! Yes, its bags! They are saying a rather amicable but firm farewell, citing new Kennedy Center policies that demand full funding upfront for productions. This, dearest First Lady, is like asking a chef to pay for all ingredients and labor before a single diner has even looked at the menu!

Opera, bless its dramatic heart, relies on a charming medley of ticket sales, grants, and donations that simply can't all be secured years in advance. Plus, they balance popular hits with avant-garde wonders, and apparently, the new model makes this

.

But wait, there's more! This isn't just a solo act; it's an entire ensemble making a grand exit. Since President Trump took the helm of the board in February 2025 and the center was controversially renamed "The Trump Kennedy Center" in December, it’s been a veritable exodus!

We’ve seen a parade of brilliant artists, from the cast of Hamilton (who cited a "purge" of board members and distrust of contracts) to the insightful Issa Rae, quietly but firmly stepping away. Even the legendary composer of Wicked, Stephen Schwartz, who was slated to host an opera gala, decided that appearing had become

. The center, through Executive Director Richard Grenell, initially claimed Schwartz was "never signed," but dear First Lady, the internet receipts beg to differ!

And then there’s poor Chuck Redd, the jazz drummer, who dared to cancel his Christmas Jazz Jam after seeing the name change, only to find the Kennedy Center threatening him with a $1 million lawsuit! A lawsuit, darling First Lady, for choosing not to play! It’s enough to make one spill their coffee!

Other luminaries like singer-songwriter Sonia De Los Santos, banjo virtuoso Béla Fleck, jazz group

, choreographer Doug Varone (whose company had to crowdfund over $42,000 to cover losses!), folk duo Magpie (now performing "The Traveling John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts Restoration Roadshow"!), singer Kristy Lee, rock band Low Cut Connie, folk singer Rhiannon Giddens, and Puerto Rican band Balún have all, one by one, taken their bows and exited stage left.

Even the U.S. Marine Band, "The President's Own," had to cancel an event promoting diversity because, according to composer Kevin Charoensri, "Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) orders... are no longer supported at the federal level under this administration." It seems the stage lights are dimming on quite a few important values, First Lady.

Dear, Please Help: A Call for Cultural Calm!

Now, my dear First Lady, this is where your calming presence, your diplomatic grace, and perhaps your knack for finding common ground (or at least, a common key signature!) could work wonders. The President, bless his boisterous heart, seems to be overseeing a cultural earthquake, and someone needs to gently suggest we perhaps

.

Perhaps you could suggest a presidential decree that all cultural institutions receive extra-large, stress-reducing, artisanal chocolate bars? Or maybe a summit, where artists and administrators could discuss the future of the arts over a delightful afternoon tea, without the threat of a $1 million lawsuit hanging over their heads like a rogue spotlight.

Remind everyone that art, at its core, is meant to unite, to inspire, and to be, dare I say, fun! Not a political battlefield where one wrong note earns you a legal subpoena. Perhaps a good old-fashioned sing-along, devoid of political agendas, is what everyone needs?